i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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