There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
