he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
