I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
