I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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