Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
