We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
