Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
