i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
