You're my little dorito
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
