Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
