meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We need to get me chipped asap
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize