I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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