like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
