K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
