she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
