those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Welp...herpes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize