He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
