she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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