I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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