Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize