I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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