Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
