and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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