this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
