what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
