I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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