I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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