Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
