so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
