If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
