thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
