We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
