i just google imaged poop.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
