Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its about making memories worth repressing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize