I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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