when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
