OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
