I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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