dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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