my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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