I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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