so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
