please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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