You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
