he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
