Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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