I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
