I will die if light touches me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
