I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
