3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
