i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
