they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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