I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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