I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I currently don't understand fingers.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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