Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
