people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
