If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
