I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize