Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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