An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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