She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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