thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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