Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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