Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
