They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
