Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
