hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Found your dick twin last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
