Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
