Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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