Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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