i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
