Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm always down for nudity.
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