# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
