i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
