Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
