well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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