I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
