So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
