I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
