I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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