I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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