I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
