I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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