Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
