your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
