All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
