I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
