Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I intend to get homeless drunk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
