I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
