I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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