You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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