Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize