11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
