you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
