Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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